Saturday, March 26, 2016

My Top 10 Zelda Bosses

An epic game series needs epic bosses, Some of these Zelda bosses were satisfying to defeat, some were epic as frak, some had great mechanics you had to use for your advantage, but some had all 3. Here are the best Zelda bosses, what are the requirements of this list? Incorporate 1 or more of the factors above, and do it especially well. Here are my favorite Zelda Bosses starting with:


Gohdan is essentially Bongo Bongo mixed with an Armos. Guarding you from the Master Sword and Hyrule Castle. You had to use your Arrows and Bombs to defeat this boss. OMG, IF ONLY THE BOMB ARROWS WERE A THING IN THE WIND WAKER!!!!! This Boss was epic, fast paced, and allowed you to use 2 items you got in your journey and didn't rely on the sword unlike most of the other bosses in the game...


An all not that good Majora's Mask Boss turned into a really great Minish Cap Boss. It had platforming, size, flying in the sky, multiplying into three, It was a great boss for a 2D Zelda game, a portable Zelda at that. You used Roc's cape, which allowed you to jump and fly like Superman, and your Sword, It is a pretty Minimalist epic boss, for a relatively Minimalist game.


LINK, YOU'RE PATROLLING, SIDESCROLLING, AND ONOX'S TROLLING!!!!! Wait, WHAT?! OK, the first part isn't all that special, but the Sidescrolling second half is where this fight really shines, with platforming, sidescrolling, and was just as epic as all hell. This is my favorite 2D Zelda Boss, and for a handheld, that's saying something considering that the handheld bosses weren't that good,


Most of Majora's Mask's bosses weren't anything special, see Gyorg, But Goht was a fast, epic boss of the game. You were racing with him with rocks, bombs, and lightning being fired at you. If you're even lucky, you can buttf**k him literally. Having a full power rolling goron up your ass might ruin anyone's day, but (no pun intended) for Goht it means death. Also he's a robot, machinery like that is something we rarely see in Zelda games.


This Boss showed the power of the DS, He towered over both screens of your handheld in 3 Dimensions. You smashed him apart with your hammer, fling yourself at him, and when the fight gets faster with his head becoming sentient. This was my favorite handheld boss of the series because of how epic and huge he was.


KAKAKAKAKAKAKA!!!!! This boss has 6 arms, multiple weapons, including Boomerang Blades, and he keeps his weak spot covered. You could use the whip, take his huge ass swords, and strike like there's no Tomorrow. It's Oh so satisfying to fight him, since he's just so ep... I MEAN OH MY FRAKKING GOD WORTHY!!!!! It also helps with the power of the motion controls of the Wii, it felt even more Satisfying...


For such a S**TTASTIC Dungeon, This was worth repeating, a increasingly difficult miniboss for the Water Temple, it was so good that the environment felt like a Chambara Samurai Flick. Dark Link learns your moves fast. It was a fast paced fight that you had to think critically at. Some people even copied their save files just to experience this again. It's one of those minibosses you saw coming every time you played Ocarina, and waited so eagerly to play against him.


A nostalgic favorite of mine, It's as story told in 3 acts, the prologue, the beginning of the fight, and the Climax. Kotake and Koume had you face off against Nabooru as an Iron Knuckle, face off against them as a tag team, and finally them combined. The mirror shield was used to great effect here. Blasting away Fire and Ice based attacks, and it was so RADICAL!!!! Does anyone say that anymore? Well people said it in 1998, when this game was new.


This boss lived up to its name. Twilit Fossil Stallord (HEY I SPELLED IT RIGHT THIS TIME!!!!) had you play pinball with his skeletal undead minions and your Spinner. Then you were in a fast chase to his sentient head to bump your spinner into it, and attack it with your sword when he's down for the count. He just was an e... I mean SUPER EPSOME Boss. See I avoided using the E word, Suck it YOSHIETTE!!!!


WHAT A WAY TO END THE GAME!!!! You knew a Ganon fight was going to be on here. This what Ocarina has been developing up to. You first had to go through the tower you just unblocked while facing off against Ganondorf's strongest henchmen. Then you go open the boss door and head up more steps with Ganondorf's Organ getting louder and louder. You watch a cutscene, then fight him with ping pong. After you get back to ground, Ganondorf grows big, and the original N64 version had him covered in shadows. You knew he was bigger than you, and you didn't have your Master Sword, but you do get it back. This was arguably one of the greatest final bosses of all time. and it's from what many consider the greatest game of all time, so there's that to think about. I know I keep saying the E word, but How do you NOT look at Ganon and go "HOLY S#!T!!!!!!!!!"

So, that was my Top 10 Zelda Bosses, what are yours? Did you agree with me? Did I use too much Ocarina of Time towards the end, let me know...

A. Yoshi's Carranger Review, a goofy sentai series, reviewed. Racing to the finish April 1st, only on GO, GO!!!!!! CARRANGER, CARRANGER!!!!!

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