This year for Toku Month, I'm not doing any skits, any storylines, or anything like that... Instead, I'm doing 2 movies of Kamen Rider Black, the series, and that's the basic jist of Toku Month 2015, a little smaller this year, but all for a big payoff on the 31st.
Yoshiette 1: Hurry and get your costume on!!!
A. Yoshi: Oh god da... HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!
*A few minutes later*
Great I look like a knight executioner in steel linger...
Yoshiette 2: No your Robin Mask from Kinnikuman...
AY: But I wanted to be...
Duck Nukem: I wanted to be the Pilsbury Doughboy, but Tough Gungans!!!! You're stuck as a Knight with debatable sexuality, and I'm stuck as this dude named Warsman! Oh, by the way, Hide that Gut...
AY: But why are the Yoshiettes Ramenman and Brocken Jr.?
DN: Because the writer didn't want to seem misogynistic in the way he writes female characters... and they don't have to be in revealing or questionable outfits.
YE1: Um... Yoshi, You're live in 10 seconds...
Kamen Rider Black was one hell of a series, it was dark and edgy, and I'll talk about it in it's own post, right now I'm sure long time readers need no introduction to Kamen Rider, but look into the depths of my blog, or google Kamen Rider to understand what this crazy man's talking about... Any way here's a mini review of Black's first movie...
THE MOVIE BEGINS WITH THE TOEI LOGO (WAVES AND ROCKS!!!!!) AND THE KAMEN RIDER BLACK OPENING FOLLOWS!!!!!!!!!! THE REAL "MOVIE" BEGINS WITH A KAIJIN STEALING KIDS IN TUNNELS, IN THEIR OWN HOMES, AND ON THE STREETS!!!!! THE TITLE CARD APPEARS FOR "HURRY TO DEMON ISLAND" WHILE KAMEN RIDER BLACK IS RIDING HIS MOTOR CYCLE!!!!!! CHAMELEON KAIJIN THE VILLAIN OF THE MOVIE STARTS TO BATTLE BLACK AND SHOWS HIM THE KIDNAPPED KIDS!!!! THE KAIJIN USES HIS TONGUE TO TO GRAB ONTO THE KAMEN RIDER WHEN BIRUGENIA JOINS THE FIGHT!!!! BLACK CHASES AFTER THE KAIJIN, BUT BIRUGENIA IS TO STRONG!!!! THEY FIGHT AND USE THEIR MOVES, BUT BATTLE HOPPER GETS ATTACKED, AND BIRUGENIA ESCAPES!!!! BATTLE HOPPER IS HEALED, CREATION KING ATTACKS HIS OWN SERVANTS, AND CREATES A WHOLE SENTAI OF CHAMELEON KAIJIN, I'M NOT EVEN JOKING!!!!! BIRUGENIA LEAVES THE MOVIE, AND THE THREE HIGH PREISTS GET READY TO MAKE KAIJIN OUT OF THE CHILDREN!!!!! WE GET EXPOSITION ON THE HISTORY OF GOLGOM KAIJIN!!!! KOTARO"S WATCHING A NEWS REPORT ON THE MISSING CHILDREN, AND HE DECIDES TO CHASE A BUS CONTAINING A SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER!!!! HE FOLLOWS THE BUS UNTIL IT REACHES THE OCEAN!!!! HE MEETS A MAN WHO'S PLAYED BY SHOTARO ISHINOMORI (HOW AWESOME IS THAT!!!!), HE TAKE KOTARO TO THE ISLAND ON BOAT WHILE GOLGOM DOES SURGERY ON THE KIDS!!!! WE SEE A BUNCH OF KIDS IN A DUNGEON WHILE KOTARO TRIES TO FIND THE KAIJIN!!!!!! HE SEES FIVE COPIES OF THE KAIJIN AND FIGHTS THEM!!!!!! AFTER TAKING A BEATING, HE TRANSFORMS, AND FIGHTS SOME MORE!!!!! KAMEN RIDER BLACK GETS READY TO ATTACK THE THREE HIGH PRIESTS, BUT GETS TRAPPED!!!!!!! BLACK GETS READY TO BEURNED INTO A KAIJIN, BUT USES HIS KINGSTONE FLASH, AND BATTLES THE CHAMELEON SENTAI AGAIN!!!!! AFTER THAT HE GETS THE CHILDREN TO ESCAPE AND BATTLES AGAIN!!!!!! AFTER GETTING TRAPPED IN 5 CHAMELEON TONGUES, HE USES HIS KINGSTONE FLASH AGAIN AND CONTINUES THE FIGHT WITH IT END IN WITH A RIDER KICK!!!!!! BLACK AND THE CHILDREN WATCH THE ISLAND EXPLODE AND THE "MOVIE" ENDS WITH KOTARO SINGING THEN RIDING OFF INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER!!!!!
This movie is... Okay.... There's a lot to like here, the costumes, the insert songs, and the dark tone, but it feels like a glorified episode of the show, but with 25 times the annoying kids. This movie gets a 2.5 Medusa Heads out of 4, good for a distraction, not good as an actual movie...
Later in the sewer...
Joe Tokugawa: I Can't believe I was flushed down back into the sewer... Now what?
???: I can help...
Joe T.: Who the hell are you?
???: I'm the Mask of Whatchamaother, and you're mine!!!!
*Attaches to Joe's face*
Joe T.: YES, YES, I CAN GET BACK TO THOSE MOTHER F***ERS AS THE BLOOD BUSTER!!!!! YES, YES!!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED...
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