Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Beetleborgs Metallix: The Movie Review

Here's the surprise review I promised you. Let me pitch it to ya, We just got the rights to a Japanese children's show known as Juukou B-Fighter. It's probably the first Metal Hero series you've watched, It has Monsters, Aliens, Robots, Explosions, Drama, a Mature Tone. but What's the story?

Here's the scoop, An alien empire known as Jamahl comes to earth to you guessed it, take over the world. Nope, not making that joke. Uh-uh. It's up to 3 college kids to get armour and to defeat the ongoing forces of the Gaohm and his minions, so the kids can go home happy.

Now let's review Big Bad Beetleborgs:

3 Elementary School kids go inside a mansion filled with cliched monsters find some blue faced being known as Flabber. They wish some fictional children comic known as Beetleborgs was real, Because people couldn't get enough Spider-Man and X-Men, Which releases some Rita Repulsa like being known as Vexor, and his minions known as Magnavores.

Now which do you think is better as far as actual quality?

Now on to the review. Please note that this is a bunch of episodes in one "Movie". But is this any good?


Now this is my biggest gripe with this so called "Movie", It feels like power rangers with everything toned down to the MAX!!!!! The kids would be better if they were actual teenagers, like MMPR or VR Troopers. They hang out at a Comic book store and a Scooby Doo home. They should have hanged out at an arcade as well for more of a 90s flare. And Hillhurst Mansion, COME ON!!!!! Why not add some Kitschy 80s style chase music for the chase scenes. So some Evil monster known as Nukus (created by some insane cartoonist) is released from the page and destroys the Beetleborgs Vehicles, armour, and weapons. He releases his friends, and causes havoc through Charterville. So Art Fortunes creates cooler looking armour, weapons, and vehicles, and BEETLEBORGS METALLIX WAS BORN!!!!! Mediocre story is Mediocre.


The characters are pretty wooden. Drew, Roland, and Jo lack personality. HELL, EVEN THE ******* ORIGINAL POWER RANGERS HAD MORE PERSONALITY!!!!!!! They're just kids who like comic books. That's it. The monsters try to hard to be funny, and Flabber's just a blue faced goofball. The Magnavores (Vexor, Jera, Noxic, and Typhus) WERE PATHETIC, THEY LOST TO A BUNCH OF KIDS!!!!!!! But the Crustaceans were somewhat better, Nukus was looked the ******* DEVIL!!!! Horribelle was pretty Badass as well, and Vilor looked just as badass as Nukus. I don't know why but Les Fortunes all ways sounded like he was tickling himself. Art was boring just because he was just there. He didn't have anything interesting to do or say.


The presentation is not particularly great. The Japanese footage is a lot better than the American stuff. The American action footage was just a bunch of blasting lasers at things, While in the Japanese footage, They get their heads out of their asses and actually get aggressive with their enemies. The new armour is cooler but they just don't do anything with it, not even in the series. The same can be said with the weapons and vehicles. It's like the later seasons of Power Rangers, Only with BAD CGI!!!! The CGI was terrible, it looked like an episode of ReBoot. Even the dialouge was boring, this is beyond kindergarten speak. Even some of the jokes were boring.


If you're under the age of 13, this may be degrading. But I found some nostalgia in it, even if it makes no sense. But hey half the stuff from the 90s made no sense. Power Rangers logic Much?

I give this 2 Beetleborgs Comics out of 4

Next week: Whatever the hell I want.

See you next time

PS: I wish the Beetleborgs comic was real, even when I was younger.

PPS: I want the Nostalgia Critic to review it just to see how he would react.

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